Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Siima's Top 7 Signs That They Are Only After One Thing (And I'm Not Talking About True Love.)

A friend of mine started dating a work colleague earlier this year.  Or at least she thinks they're dating.  He clearly has other ideas.  Not only has she never met any of his friends or family (they've been dating/shagging for 6 months now), but he insists on keeping their relationship top secret- because of work (he says).  Yeah right.

He calls her at odd hours, turns up to her flat unannounced and only hangs out with her at the dodgiest bars and clubs.  Where they are unlikely to bump into anyone they know. She thinks this is because, and I quote, ''he just wants to be alone with me.'' I know, right?!

Personally, I am not convinced and have tried in vain to make her see sense. 

So many times, we women confuse a man's actions and twist them to suit what we would like his intentions to be. We've all done it.  Even the fellas do it occasionally. (you know who you are).

So I've taken it upon myself to point out a few things which may have escaped your notice.  Presenting- Siima's Top 7 Signs That They Are Only After One Thing (And I'm Not Talking About True Love.)

7) Whenever he texts you, he doesn't ask how you are.  Instead he asks what you're wearing.  This man is not imagining you as the mother of his children.  Not one he plans to marry, anyway.

6) You take her out on a date.  You are doing your best to be chivalrous, courteous, a true gentleman.  And then she leans in and tells you she's not wearing any knickers.  It's all over.  She doesn't want you to put a ring on it. She wants the D.  Plain and simple.

5) He has a sex budget- meaning he spends more money ON you than time WITH you.  Get with the program, girl. This man isn't thinking hearts and flowers and white weddings.

4) You don't know the colour of his eyes because he never makes eye contact, preferring instead to have a conversation with your ample bosom.  And no, he's not checking to make sure his offspring will be well fed.  He only wants you for one thing. Giggity giggity goo. 

3) He only calls you when it's dark. During 'sex' hours. That is, between midnight and 4 am.  This is not a man who is thinking of marrying you. In fact, he's not thinking of you at all.  Unless it's after midnight and he's horny.

2)You're always drunk when you're together. This can only mean one of two things- one of you is so repulsed by the other that the only way you can hang out with them is if you are completely off your face. Or one of you is always trying to get the other one drunk so they won't remember anything the next day.  Either way, this is not the path to a long-lasting, loving relationship.

1) She saves you in her phone as G.O.D. Calm down and relax.  She's not referring to you as the Almighty, The One, The Alpha and Omega etc etc. What she means is you are the Giver Of the D. As in, you are a means to an end (no pun intended).  You are nothing more than a dildo with a pulse.

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