Kanyindo's Random Ramblings

Unless you’ve been living in a hole for the past couple of months , you will be well aware that our 376 MPs received their brand new iPads recently, in an effort to deal with the 30 billion being spent on stationery and courier services every year. They are scheduled to have training sessions soon, just to get them acquainted with their gadgets.  It’s no use having a shiny new tablet if you don’t know your head from your arse.  Or your apps from your tabs, in this case. There are lots of young, tech-savvy chaps out there who are quick to create apps (that’s short for ‘applications’, by the way) that can make your life so much easier if downloaded to your smart phone/ tablet.  So I’ve taken it upon myself to suggest a few that I think they should create for our MPs.  In the spirit of patriotism, of course.   Presenting:  Siima’s Top 6 Apps MPs Need To Download To Their iPads. 6) Instant Bill Generator- input the dumbest stuff that com...

I received an invite to my ex’s wedding the other day. We broke up years ago, after his indiscretion and mind-games became too much.  Being the non-grudge-holding person that I am, I moved on and reached a place where I was able to bump into him without wanting to gouge his eyes out. He met and fell in love with his fiancé about three years after our relationship ended.  Apart from the slightest nostalgic twinge, I actually felt quite happy for him.  I ignored the persistent wedding meeting SMS, and through a mutual friend, pledged 2 bottles of champagne for the big day. Imagine my shock when I was stopped by the receptionist at work as I walked out of office on Wednesday, saying that someone had delivered an envelope with my name on it.  As soon as I saw it, I knew it was a wedding invite- it was one of those horrible, elaborate monstrosities with flowers and stars and cheap glitter that comes off all over you and sticks to you like a clingy girlfrien...

There’s nothing like spending time with family during the festive season.  Even if you do have to deal with that troublesome relative who always turns up and demands food/money/airtime/transport etc. Once such case in my Uncle Brian. Uncle Brian is an alcoholic.  As a kid I didn’t realize he was an alcoholic.  I just thought he was crazy and smelt funny. Anyway, most of the time Uncle Brian is harmless- he’s usually completely out of it so I don’t get to see him on my rare visits to the village.  That said, his crazy moments are the stuff that family folklore is made of. One particularly memorable incident involving Uncle Brian happened last year, when my cousin was getting married. All the usual preparations were put in motion, and the family got set to go claim a wife. It was a disaster from start to finish. I was tasked with transporting the teenagers, all of whom were giggly girls aged between 13 and 17.  Somehow Uncle Brian ended up in my...

It was my parents’ 39 th  wedding anniversary last Saturday. This is no small achievement in this day of 11 month-old marriages.  Having experienced my own relationships, I understand that this is no mean feat.  And I consider myself extremely lucky to have lived into my 30s with both of my parents still alive and still married to each other. I never really thought about it as a child.  Of course Mummy and Daddy were married.  I had seen the pictures, and it didn’t seem odd that neither I nor my siblings featured in those pictures.  Not something most kids today can say.  I look at my parents today and can’t help but admire them for achieving something which, despite seeming very easy at the euphoric time of breathlessly-uttered ‘I do’s’, has eluded many people.  In fact, I think that my parents’ marriage is partly to blame for my skepticism when it comes to relationships.  Apart from the fact t...

The past few weeks have been dominated by talk of sex tapes.  You know the ones.  Don’t act like you haven’t watched clips on your phone, or at least seen the stills in the tabloids.  There have been cries to expel the stars of the amateur blue movies, rumours of parents dying of shock, and demands for comments and immediate disciplinary action by the institutions concerned. In all this, I can’t help thinking there is one very important question that isn’t being asked. Why on earth would anyone record themselves having sex? I’ve never understood the fascination with sex tapes, to be honest.  I mean, let’s face it.  There are enough issues when it comes to getting jiggy without worrying about whether you look like a movie star or not.  Considering the fact that this is not the moment to demand a body-double, as they may be way hotter than you, in which case asking for one would be an epic fail on your part. Look at it this way.  Sex is ...

My aunt has been on my case recently. She says I need to hurry up because, and I quote, ‘’we want A Wedding.’’ Things came to a head recently, when she invited me for coffee.  I arrived late at the cafe because I got caught up at work, an excuse that infuriated her and set her off on a rant.  Before I could even order a cappuccino (if I’d known the evening I was in for, I’d have insisted we meet somewhere with vodka on the menu), I was accused of hiding myself in my work, and selfishly denying my family ‘the honour’ of a wedding. I am used to my aunt’s ranting and raving, but this time I was shocked.  To think that she sees my unmarried status as selfish beggared belief.  What really saddened me is that she didn’t seem bothered about the marriage- all she talked about was The Wedding.  I eventually left the café, irritated and disappointed. I went home and two glasses of wine later, it dawned on me that my aunt’s attitude is not entirely her fault....

My Aunt Liz had been pestering me for weeks to have lunch with her, and I finally relented last Friday.  The reason why I put off our meeting for so long is the inevitable turns our conversations take to the subject of marriage. Please understand that I love my aunt dearly.  But she has it in her mind that, at my age, I should already be married with AT LEAST three kids by now. So, we met at the restaurant and exchanged the usual pleasantries as we placed our order. “How is work, my dear?  Have you made peace with that boss of yours yet?” Relieved that she hadn’t asked about my love life, or lack thereof, I dived into this topic with gusto. “Work is great! My boss still behaves like the spawn of Satan but I do my best to stay out of her way.  I have wonderful colleagues…” “Male colleagues?” she interrupted.  My heart sank.  I could see where this was going. “Er, of course.  Some male, some female.  We make a great team…” ...

So a lot of people are talking about the whole Princess Komuntale- Christopher Thomas debacle. All of a sudden, Ugandans have become marriage experts, PR spin-doctors, and all manner of professionals in the wake of what I think is actually a very sad matter.  Many have said that the Princess was wrong to issue a statement on Facebook, that she should have maintained a dignified silence and let someone else release a statement from the palace on her behalf.  (No one thought of commending her for her use of the English language.  And excuse me, but Princess or not, some dude calls me a whore on social media there’s no way I’m going to shut up.) Anyway, leaving aside who said what and who said the other person had herpes and whether or not one person really IS a qualified accountant and whether or not people had their eye on a Gaddafi connection, this whole situation brought up a rather interesting issue. We live in an age where we live our lives on line- Facebo...

I fell in love with records at a very young age. My earliest memory takes me back to when I was about 5, watching my mum place another record on the player.  The big shiny discs with their fine lines, their fragility and the reverence with which they were taken out of their covers fascinated me.  I just loved the fact that these things, which looked like they could travel pretty far if tossed across a room (I never dared try), emitted some of my favourite songs. I grew up surrounded by music- my parents have varied tastes so the soundtrack to my life includes The Beatles, Simon and Garfunkel, Cliff Richard, Franco and TPOK Jazz, Harry Belafonte, Miriam Makeba, Queen, Tina Turner, Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie, and countless more.  I developed my love for musicals from my mum- sure enough, as soon as The Sound of Music or Fiddler on the Roof was in our VHS collection, you could be sure the record would be on the shelf soon.  My dad introduced me to the mu...

I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night yesterday, choking. It was the strangest feeling in the world.  I was asleep, then just as suddenly, I was upright in my bed, coughing and spluttering and struggling to breathe. I've often heard that emotions, if suppressed for too long, can begin to manifest themselves physically, and usually in negative ways.  I knew of the usual symptoms- an outbreak of pimples, weight loss/gain, or even hair loss in more extreme circumstances.  None of those have been an issue. I thought about it this morning and figured out exactly what the problem is. I miss my sister.  I miss my best friend. Thankfully, she's just gone on the trip of a lifetime and I am thrilled for her.  The planning that has gone into this holiday goes back at least a year.  Plus she works so hard, I'm happy she's had a chance to get away from it all. But, selfishly, I miss talking to her.  This is someone I talk to every single day- wh...

So it's official. I'm in love. And I'm pissed off about it.  Why, you may ask? Because it crept up on me.  There I was, minding my own business, getting on with things. And this wonderful man walks into my life and flips it upside down. In a good way. But still. He should have called first.

Last week on the show we were discussing a problem we’d read about in the paper.  This 24 year old woman had been in a relationship with her guy for over a year.  He’s a great guy, and he even went along with her decision not to be intimate before they got married. Problem is, he’s now started making mating noises, trying it on and leaving erection-shaped indentations in her back. What got to me is the guy told her point blank that he would rather leave her than stay in a sexless relationship, as he knows he would end up cheating on her.  So, dude issues an ultimatum, chick is left confused and stressed and writes to the newspaper agony aunt for advice. Now, I can’t speak for this particular woman, and I’m sure she has her own valid reasons for not wanting to sleep with the guy. But let’s look at this realistically. You’ve been with the guy for over a year.  What is holding you back?  Religion? Are you frigid? Or is there some other reason that ...

Ladies, we’ve all been there. You’ve been eyeing him for a while now, glancing up at him from under your eyelashes and doing your best to make meaningful eye contact with him.  Finally the connection is made and the two of you link up for a drink. Considering all the effort you put into getting him to notice you in the first place, you decide that tonight is all about being spontaneous.  Tonight, this guy is going down! Then the worst happens… he rejects you. You need to find a way to claw your way back from the humiliation.  It won’t be easy, but I’m here for you… Presenting:  Siima’s Top 5 Ways To Get Back At A Guy Who Has Rejected Your Advances. 5- Ignore him- That’s right.  Pretend he doesn’t exist and never did.  Speaking from experience, men hate being ignored.  You might still like him but DON’T give in.  No matter what.  Let him realize how insignificant he is to you.  Let him see his life. 4- Pimp y...

It's been a rough week.  Work was manic, and I was knocked sideways by a bout of flu AND malaria.  I mean, who does that? Me, evidently. Much as I was able to get a day off work, I had been contracted to MC at an awards ceremony.  I had contacted the organisers and told them I was seriously under the weather and sounded like I had swallowed a family of frogs, but they simply prayed for my quick recovery and said they'd see me on Friday.  Thankfully, I managed to get my voice to sound vaguely decent, threw on my 5 inch heels and did my thing. I got home last night, exhausted and dreading the prospect of waking up at 4am for my show this morning, but feeling rather proud of myself for making it through the night.  For some unknown reason, I had 'Like A Virgin' by Madonna stuck in my head.  And decided to put together some lyrics of my own... A little Ode To Me, as it were. ♪♫ I made it through the MC gig Somehow I made it through Didn't cough or sn...

This morning on the show, Rudende, Libolo and I were debating whether or not you should return gifts given to you by your boyfriend/ girlfriend during the course of the relationship once things hit the rocks.  We even went as far as discussing whether or not you should ASK for certain things back.  I mean, let’s face it- you buy him a car and he shags your best friend.  I’d be pretty pissed off.  I’d want the car back, not so much to drive it or sell it as to run them both over with it.  But I digress. I couldn’t help wondering why no one was looking at the silver lining surrounding this break-up cloud.  Think about all those annoying things you put up with, simply because you were so consumed by love or lust for this person that you couldn’t see past the fug of pheromones you gave out each time they so much as glanced nonchalantly in your direction. I truly believe that there is something positive in every break-up, no matter how painful.  ...

For the most part, I love my job. I get to listen to music ALL DAY, I work with a great bunch of people, and I consider myself very lucky to be doing something I’ve always wanted to do- not many people can say that at my age. Like all jobs, however, there are some rather unpleasant aspects.  Like voice tests. Voice tests are those hit-and-miss recordings that can give you an idea as to whether or not someone will be a good radio presenter.  Do they have a radio-friendly voice, for a start?  Not too squeaky, not too gravelly, but pleasing to the ear?  Are they funny/witty/interesting to listen to?  Can they pronounce artists’s names properly? Of course the criteria changes depending on the type of station it is.  Our station’s presenters are energetic, up-beat, relatively witty and know the difference between WAYNE Rooney and Bobi WINE.  I pride myself on having some of the best radio presenters in Uganda (in my unbiased opinion) o...

Thank God It’s Friday! I’ve had a dreadful week and this weekend just couldn’t roll around fast enough. It’s just been one irritation after another. It all started, as usual, with the boss.  She’s got a thing going with a major client (she thinks no one knows but they keep having sex in her office, for goodness sake), which is good for the company as he keeps throwing deals our way.  Problem is, when they fight, we suffer. This guy is trying to get his ex-wife to move out of his plush house in Kololo so that he and my boss can convert it into a shag-pad.  It seems to be taking much longer than expected, which is pissing the boss off something chronic.  Unfortunately she vents her frustrations on her hapless employees, with yours truly often in the firing line. The less said about the poor dog I knocked on the way to work, the better.  I still feel sick just thinking about it.  The worst thing about it is that he was chasing some bitch across t...