iPad Apps For UG MPs

Unless you’ve been living in a hole for the past couple of months , you will be well aware that our 376 MPs received their brand new iPads recently, in an effort to deal with the 30 billion being spent on stationery and courier services every year.

They are scheduled to have training sessions soon, just to get them acquainted with their gadgets.  It’s no use having a shiny new tablet if you don’t know your head from your arse.  Or your apps from your tabs, in this case.

There are lots of young, tech-savvy chaps out there who are quick to create apps (that’s short for ‘applications’, by the way) that can make your life so much easier if downloaded to your smart phone/ tablet.  So I’ve taken it upon myself to suggest a few that I think they should create for our MPs.  In the spirit of patriotism, of course. 

 Presenting:  Siima’s Top 6 Apps MPs Need To Download To Their iPads.

6) Instant Bill Generator- input the dumbest stuff that comes to mind and voila! This app will draft a bill for you.  I would advise you use this app together with App #3 below…

5) STFU MP App- This app will mute any of your honourable colleagues when they are yapping nonsense in Parliament.  It is entirely up to you whom you mute, but please note that you cannot mute the same person twice in one session.  That would just be mean, and unfair to anyone else who didn’t have the sense to download the app.

4) Snooze-Buster App- an in-built alarm to keep you awake during those boring submissions.  In case you’ve used-up your chances with App #5

3)English For Dummies- find all the big words you will need to use in any debate to sound remotely intelligent and maybe even relevant!

2) Remote Registration- this one is sure to be popular with those MPs who have much more important things to do than actually appearing in Parliament.  Tired of being denied your allowances because you didn’t check in the last time the house was in session?  No problem! This app allows for remote check in.  Hopefully the register will have been updated too, so you can sync your account accordingly.  The register will show that you turned up, and you can keep cuddling with the campus girl you found courtesy of our number 1 app…

1) Hostel Finder- find the best hostels with the hottest chicks, discreet parking (they can disguise your number plates and there is a relaxation room for bodyguards), sound-proof rooms and condom dispensers.  The condoms are available at a discounted rate, of course.


You’re welcome, by the way.  Having a warped mind is such a thankless job.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Untitled (or, my experience in a toxic work environment.)

I’ve been feeling guilty for the longest time that I haven’t posted on my blog for AGES: I even started questioning whether I could legitimately call it a blog anymore, considering how long it had been since I was inspired to write anything worth sharing. But I woke up yesterday and came across an article detailing a toxic work environment and when I tell you I was TRIGGERED. I know that word is used so often these days, but some of the instances described in that article catapulted me back to a situation I found myself in, that I haven’t felt able to speak about publicly. Until now. I consider myself extremely blessed to have worked in different positions where I was able to pursue my passions and dedicate my talents, all the while working with incredible people and learning from the best in the business. I was transferred from a job I loved, and thought I was performing well at (if my performance reviews were anything to go by, anyway). I didn’t understand why I was being mov...
Read more

RIP Rosemary

I never met Rosemary Nankabirwa. But I feel so sad at her passing. I feel sad that she succumbed to a disease we are still trying to beat. I feel sad that whoever took the time to announce her death on Twitter couldn't take the time to spell check. I'll put it down to grief. I feel sad that people tried to gain cheap popularity off of her illness. I hope she knew how many people turned out, in their own small way, to help. I hope she knew she was respected and admired. I hope God hears our prayers for her and for her family. I hope. When you lose someone, the world falls out from under your feet. I hope her family is given the time and space they need to grieve and remember her, away from the media, away from those who want to use this to their own advantage. I hope we all learn more about this terrible disease. I hope our government does more to make treatment available for all, regardless of social status. I hope. Rest, Rosemary. You fought your fight.
Read more

Stay Out of My Womb, Stay Out of My Business.

Something happened on air this morning that totally threw me off. We were discussing whether or not a parent should compensate a babysitter, or even a friend, if their child breaks something of theirs.  Like a phone, or laptop.  My stance is, if my child broke something belonging to someone I had asked to look after them, I would feel compelled to refund them or at least contribute towards the cost of getting a replacement. Big mistake, so it would seem. A female listener called the show.  Sternly, she asked me if I have any children, to which of course I answered in the negative.  She went on to say that the only reason I had that opinion is the fact that I do not have a child, as no mother would ask another mother to pay for something broken by a child.  (Please note, she ignored the fact that I said I would feel compelled to refund if my child had broken something belonging to someone else.  I didn’t say that I would demand money from so...
Read more