Revenge: A Dish Best Served Cold When You're Looking Sexy As Hell and Rocking Those New High Heels

Ladies, we’ve all been there.

You’ve been eyeing him for a while now, glancing up at him from under your eyelashes and doing your best to make meaningful eye contact with him.  Finally the connection is made and the two of you link up for a drink.

Considering all the effort you put into getting him to notice you in the first place, you decide that tonight is all about being spontaneous.  Tonight, this guy is going down!

Then the worst happens… he rejects you.

You need to find a way to claw your way back from the humiliation.  It won’t be easy, but I’m here for you…

Presenting:  Siima’s Top 5 Ways To Get Back At A Guy Who Has Rejected Your Advances.

5- Ignore him- That’s right.  Pretend he doesn’t exist and never did.  Speaking from experience, men hate being ignored.  You might still like him but DON’T give in.  No matter what.  Let him realize how insignificant he is to you.  Let him see his life.

4- Pimp yourself- and by this I don’t mean auction yourself off to the highest bidder.  Get a makeover.  Get your hair and nails done, maybe go clothes shopping.  Not only will it make you look better, but you’ll feel great.  And he’ll wonder why he let you pass him by with all your awesomeness.

3-Get with his best friend- I’m a staunch advocate of erase, replace, embrace new face, a methodology endorsed by the late great Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopez.  On to the next one, my dear.  If he didn’t appreciate your goodies enough to get with it, someone else will.  Just make sure it’s someone in his inner circle, just to ensure maximum effect.

2- Tell anyone who is willing to listen how small his penis is.  Yes, it’s a bit childish, but it will be fun.  The best way to do it is to say as LITTLE as possible (HA! See what I did there?) while saying A LOT.  Make hand gestures.  Hold up your little finger to represent his trouser worm.  Make jokes about how you know midgets with bigger blessings.  That sort of thing.  Also, make sure you do it within earshot of someone who is bound to report back to him.  Like his best friend.  Or his current girlfriend.


1-Have him chemically castrated.  This is not as complicated as it may sound.  And thankfully, it’s not permanent, so when your anger has been soothed you can set the poor guy free.  Because not only will you have messed with his sex drive, which will be significantly reduced, but will you affect his compulsive fantasies and capability for sexual arousal.  Don’t worry- the life-threatening side effects are rare.  And even then, it’s just an increase in body fat and reduced bone density.  His hair might fall out.  Oh, and he might grow breasts.  But at least he’ll think twice before rejecting a chick anyhow.

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