Songs My Father Taught Me

My father passed away three months ago today.

It's been a very strange time of trying to totally readjust my way of thinking and feeling- things that always seemed so natural and instinctive have been replaced by an empty feeling I don't think I will ever find the words to describe.

Hearing a funny joke and wanting to call him and tell him.  Seeing some ridiculous behaviour and wanting to thank him for teaching me how to act like a lady.  Finally making sense of a life-lesson he taught me and wanting to say- Daddy I get it now!!

I'm not entirely sure how I have made it this far, because as far as I was concerned, my world ended that dark night 3 months ago.  But I went back to work, managed to get on air and actually sound cheerful, managed to celebrate other people's triumphs and joys even when I felt that the floor had fallen out from under me.  I even managed to keep calm when people made really insensitive comments.

Apart from the support of my family, my wonderful boyfriend, friends who have called or passed by or messaged to find out how we're all doing, I've found solace in music.

I will be eternally grateful to my parents for bringing us up in a house full of music.  In the weeks after my father's passing, I would surround myself with his favourite music- The Beatles, Simon and Garfunkel, Jimmy Cliff- letting the words and the melodies and the grief wash over me.  You know how it is when certain songs suddenly feel like they were written just for you?  In My Life by The Beatles?  Many Rivers To Cross by Jimmy Cliff?  Homeward Bound by Simon and Garfunkel?  Those songs repeatedly broke me down and built me back up again at the same time.

I still have my moments.  I'll be fine one second then all of a sudden my eyes fill up with tears and I think, where did that come from?  I know that is natural and will keep happening for a while.

I'm not the first person in the world to lose her father, and I certainly won't be the last. My siblings and I have all lost a parent, and I know that as united as we are in our grief, this experience has been unique to each one of us.

So in my worst moments, the lowest ones, or the ones when I find myself having conversations with my beloved Pa in my head (Daddy you won't believe what this idiot said to me today...) I know there will always be the priceless memories and legacy he left behind.  And of course, the music he taught me to love and treasure as much as my own life.


Comments

  1. Miriam Mimi Nagadya17 July 2014 at 16:42

    Gone but never forgotten RIP Uncle Godfrey

    ReplyDelete
  2. Unknown18 July 2014 at 08:43

    [sigh] A very touching piece-especially for those of us that have lost a parent before. I have a fear though,it's been 10 years for me,and am afraid time has erased him(my late father) from mind. It's once in a while and only when i come across a picture or a writing that i recall him. I don't mean to scare you but cherish "your moments of tears'' because atleast you still feel something. I have no emotions to match my ''hurting-intellectual-understanding''

    ReplyDelete

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