The Voodoo Boss Chronicles: New Trainee Irks Voodoo Boss

The boss recently ran a recruitment drive to fill in the gaps left by last month’s department reshuffle.

As if I didn’t have enough on my plate already, the boss asked me- well, commanded me, actually- to train a rather naïve girl to be her assistant.  The weirdest thing was that the boss and the trainee in question had exactly the same name.  No one else was bothered, seeing as none of us actually calls the boss by her first name.  The boss herself, however, wasn’t amused, and demanded that the trainee use a different name during office hours.

I accidentally walked into the boss’ office when she was briefing the poor girl.

“Look, I realise we just happen to have the same name, but I strongly recommend that you use another name from 9am-5pm.  Just to avoid confusion, you understand.  We wouldn’t want anyone to mistake you for the MD, now would we?” The boss gave a little laugh, trying to lighten the situation.  The poor trainee swallowed hard and gave a little nod.  She looked so complacent that I wondered whether the boss had put something funny in the girl’s coffee, just to make sure she agreed with everything the boss said.

The boss looked up and noticed me at the door.  “Ah, there you are.  Please take this young lady and show her the ropes. I’ll be expecting your report at the end of the day,” she said sternly.  I ushered the terrified trainee out of the boss’ office and into mine.

“So, Carol, you’ll be under my wing today, just until you get the hang of things.  Do you have any questions before we get going?”  I remembered my first day at the  office, so I was trying to be as nice as possible.

“Um, just one question.  I don’t want to get on the wrong side of the boss, so would you mind calling me by my initials, CB?  The boss said it would avoid confusion,” there was a slight tremor in her voice.

I was a bit confused. What was the big deal?  But having dealt with the boss, I wasn’t surprised by this request.

“No problem.  Between you and me, I think its pretty ridiculous that you cant use your own name, but if it makes you feel more comfortable that’s fine,” I smiled.  “So, CB, let’s get to work, shall we?”

The rest of the day progressed as normal.  I discreetly informed the other members of staff to address Carol as CB, especially when the boss was around.  Despite her shyness, Carol was a nice girl, and very eager to learn.  I thought she’d fit right in, and made up my mind to give her a good report.

Everything was running smoothly until some flowers were delivered to reception, addressed to “CB”.  The receptionist gave them to Robert, the office messenger, to deliver to the appropriate office.

Big mistake. Robert has never been the sharpest pencil in the box, and to make matters worse, I suspect he had a hangover that day.  So Robert, still suffering the effects of the night before, walked right past the boss, who was standing by the fax machine, and gave the flowers to CB, my unfortunate trainee.

It goes without saying that the sight of a dozen red roses being delivered to another woman in her presence could not escape the boss’ notice.

“Wow, it seems someone has an admirer,” sneered the boss, more than a hint of jealousy in her voice.  “So, tell us, who’s heart have you stolen?”

Poor CB.  She looked like she wanted the ground to open and swallow her.

“Come on, don’t be shy.  We have no secrets in this office,” the boss had clearly switched into witch-mode.  The voodoo blood was boiling.

CB smile nervously, and pulled the tiny greeting card from amongst the flowers.  Opening the card, she began to read.

“My darling CB, I can’t wait to see you again.  Don’t forget to wear those knee-high boots I love so much, and I promise to wear the Mickey Mouse boxers.  Your macho man, Katende.”

You could have heard a pin drop, the room was so silent.  I’m sure I could hear the boss grinding her teeth from where I was standing.

“I-I don’t understand.  I don’t know anyone called Katende… and I don’t wear knee-high boots…” poor CB was almost in tears.

The boss marched over to her, grabbed the flowers and flounced into her office, slamming the door.

Stunned, the rest of us just looking at each other for a couple minutes as realisation set in.  The boss’ boardroom bed-mate had sent her flowers which the messenger unwittingly delivered to the wrong woman.

Grabbing CB by the arm, I dragged her into my office before I burst out laughing, and before the boss came out and hexed the poor thing.  CB was simply at a loss for words.  She cheered up considerably when I explained the situation of the boss and Mr Katende.  I also told her that her naïve personality had made my day- I hadn’t laughed so hard for ages.

At the end of the day, I delivered the trainee’s report to the boss, who was on the phone.  I just caught the end of the conversation.

“…just deliver them yourself next time.  It was so embarrassing…” she looked up and saw me.  

“Anyway, I have to go, bye.”  I smiled apologetically, and put the report on her desk.  As I turned to leave, the boss called me back.

“I will read your report, but from what I’ve seen I’m not sure this girl can handle working here.  But I’ll give her another chance.  Tell her to come again on Monday for more training.”

I walked out of her office trying my best not to laugh.  There was a part of me that was worried for CB though.  Was the boss just buying time to find a suitable curse to hex the poor girl with? I decided to warn her to sleep with one eye open from then on.  Just in case.