I consider myself lucky to work in an environment dominated by men. Not because I don’t like working with women, or because I enjoy being one of very few females in the area, but because I am often privy to some interesting male insights on life.
I recently got into a heated argument with my colleagues, who were saying that one of the problems with women is that once they are in a relationship, they tend to let themselves go, putting on weight and no longer dressing to impress their men. As one not-so-wise colleague of mine said, ‘’Women expect men to change when they are in a committed relationship. Men expect their women to stay the same.’’
Let me explain.
It’s not like we girls bag the one and think ‘to hell with my figure and for good measure, let me start walking around like I got dressed in the dark.’’ Not at all.
There’s something that happens to you when you meet the one who you feel is The One. You relax. You breathe more easily because you can stop worrying about that inevitable conversation with that annoying auntie who is always asking why you don’t have a man.
You don’t hang out as much, because the two of you stay in. You cook for him. He buys you chocolate and takes you out for fancy dinners (at least mine does. If yours doesn’t, sorry for you).
Anyway, all I’m saying is, it’s not that you don’t want to look good for him. It’s just that you’ve found someone who loves your hair even when you’ve just taken out your braids and look like you’ve been dragged through a bush backwards and loves your smile and your favourite top and jumps your bones even when you’re wearing your oldest pair of jeans or leggings. He thinks you’re beautiful. He thinks you’re sexy. He holds your hand and kisses you passionately even as Nicki Minaj is shaking her famous, juicy butt on the TV, while your bum is looking not unlike a pair of deflated balloons or yesterday’s chapati.
So we girls chill. We start understanding the things our mothers have been telling us all our lives. We learn how to peel matooke and how to get the scum off our hands. Before we know it, we start sinking into a role readying us for having our own home. And we stop doing the things we did obsessively in the chance that we were going to meet The One. You know- shaving our legs, wearing THAT skirt that makes our legs look as long as a giraffe’s, doing our hair every other day.
And why do we stop doing those things? Because we’re always getting ready to meet the boo, who told you he loved that sleepy look on your face when you’ve just woken up and kisses you passionately in spite of your (mutual) morning breath.
So guys, stop thinking that your lady is taking advantage of the fact that she caught your eye and you still want to grab her when she walks past you. Understand that you have reaffirmed her, as you should. That she loves you and your love has taught her to love herself even more. And that sometimes, she’s too bloody busy cooking for you to go to the gym.
Besides, who doesn’t love a bit more cushion for the pushin’? Count your blessings, dammit.