Wednesday, 23 August 2017

HBD, B. (Happy Birthday, Bish.)

I didn’t think that it was possible to make firm friends past a certain age in life.

Don’t ask me why I settled on this (non) fact.  Maybe because I’m so set in my ways, I can be a bit weird sometimes, plus I rarely hang out and will happily spend a weekend at home, cooking, reading, pottering around, listening to music and chilling with my dogs.

Not exactly a place to meet people and expand my social circle.  But I’m not complaining.

I met Kemiyondo on Twitter.  Like, for real.  There I was, minding my own business and loving hard on Idris.  I remember it was about a month before my birthday, and people had started Tweeting Idris to wish me a Happy Birthday.  (This campaign was in its 6th year. Eh. We tried).

Yes. This actually happened. Sigh.

So this chick starts trolling me.  Yes, TROLLING.  Talking about how she’s his other wife, bla bla bla.  We had some interesting exchanges.

She has no manners.

For real. This chick doesn't know when to quit.  Until I annihilate her azzz.

I. Did. Not. Come. To. Play.

She’s even gone so far as to report my birthday tweet from Idrissa to Twitter, after complaining for ages.  Her levels of petty know no bounds.

Why so salty?

Sick of her nonsense, I sent her a DM telling her to stay the hell away from my man and challenged her to a boob-off, which I knew I’d win.  I’m happy to report she has settled into her (second) place at House Elba and is at least trying to learn how to play Hide The Chocolate Sausage.  Or so he says.

Bish deliberately cut me out of this shot. SMH.

Anyway. The point of this post is not to remind the world that she is a hubby-stealing heifer, but to actually wish this bish a Happy Birthday.

Kemi, you get on my last nerve, but you make me laugh.  Thank you for being super-supportive, for having my BACK!!! For always telling me the truth.  For including me in projects that I never thought I'd get the chance to be part of.  (BBC!! WHAT?!). Thank you for bringing me out of myself at a time when I had literally shut down and closed off the world.  Thank you for changing my mind. Thank you for understanding how much I love my dogs and just GETTING IT!!! (They love you too, by the way.)

Thank you for being my friend.

I know it’s a bittersweet birthday, but I hope you at least try to have fun.   This coming year is going to be huge, I just know it. May you go forth, find Donald Glover and/or Kofi Siriboe AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY MARRIAGE COZ YOU KNOW YOU DON'T EVEN LOVE IDRIS AND YOU THOUGHT HE WAS NIGERIAN!!!!!

Sorry.  Lost myself there for a moment.

Happy Birthday, Bish. Have a blast.


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