Friday, 11 December 2015

Of Nip Slips and Fanny Faux Pas

So another picture of a young lady having a very unfortunate wardrobe malfunction has been doing the rounds on social media.

In case you haven’t seen it, you will be fine.  But put it this way, she had decided to go commando and a gust of wind and a slight bend at the knees decided to bog in her plot.

Now, I’m not judging anyone who has had a ‘nip-slip’ or an incident similar to the one I described above (let’s call it a fanny faux pas, shall we?).  There are just a few things that cross my mind whenever we are assailed with pictures of people ‘accidentally’ flashing their bits.

1.       Going Commando- I see absolutely nothing wrong with this.  If you feel the need to go knickerless and natural, by all means! Let it breathe! However, SIT/STAND PROPERLY!!  As in, unless your intention is to flash the world, keep your legs closed and wear something long enough to keep your bits tucked away from the naked eye.

2.       Feeling Airy- Is it just me or do people who experience this type of wardrobe malfunction somehow lose all sense of feeling?  Trust me, if I was out on a red carpet somewhere and a nipple popped out, I would know!  As in, THE BREEZE for a start!  There was this one time some of my hair tickled my neck and I flailed around my living room like a mad woman, screaming and slapping at myself, convinced I had a monster spider on my bare skin. (It’s ok to laugh at the imagery.  I felt very stupid afterwards, but my embarrassment was soothed by the realization that I did not, in fact, have a monster spider on my bare skin). So suddenly feeling a breeze where there just shouldn’t be one would set my alarm bells off for sure.

3.       Not At All Hairy- We’ve all seen pictures of celebrities and lesser-known mortals with something hanging out that should have been tucked away- remember THAT Lenny Kravitz picture? And his, erm, genital adornment? (Come on, I know I’m not the only person who Googled it!!)  But what I don’t get is how, miraculously, when their bits of genitalia decide to play peek-a-boo and photobomb their red carpet moment, they are always perfectly groomed!  Unless you’re telling me that some people are permanently photo-ready.   Some of us just don’t have that time.

4.       They’re just privates, after all- EXACTLY.  In the same way you can tell whether or not something fits you, surely you can tell that, you know what, perhaps this strapless dress won’t be held up by my boobs.  Or maybe, just maybe, getting out of the car in this tiny skirt will be difficult, especially since I’m not wearing any panties and I’m not exactly a contortionist.  Or maybe my parents will see a picture of me with my bits out.  And it’s almost Christmas which means family gatherings and awkwardness.

But maybe I just over-think things.  

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