Thursday, 11 December 2014

Don't Take That Love Song Literally.

Love songs.  They put us under so much undue pressure, don’t you think?! 

Consider these famous song titles.  You To Me Are Everything.  You’re My First, My Last, My Everything.  You Are Everything, And Everything Is You.  No, scratch that last one.  Those are actually lyrics.  But they paint an accurate picture of the song.

Who on God’s green earth would want to be everything to anyone?  The air they breathe, the blood rushing through their veins, their happiness, their sadness, their raison d’être?! I wouldn’t.

Let me explain.

When we fall in love and get into a relationship, we tend to forget that the reason we were attracted to our person, and they to us, is that we possessed certain qualities that we saw in each other and liked.  Made us think, I want to be around you and bask in your general awesomeness all the time.  It could be the way they talk, their love for animals, their sense of humour.  Hell, it could be the size of their breasts.  Whatever rocks your boat.

It could be the way the atmosphere changes when they walk into a room.  The way everyone they come into contact with is immediately drawn to them, like moths to the proverbial death-trap flame.  And once we have that person in our grasp, once they have seen something in us that they want to be around at every waking moment, we tend to get lost in our mutual admiration and forget the world around us.  It’s natural.  But not altogether a good thing.

I find it dangerous when people are in a relationship, innocently loving each other to distraction, and start losing that part of themselves that made them so attractive in the first place.  They forget to breathe, forget that social circle that shored them up when they didn’t have anyone to curl up with on the sofa.  And before you know it, one or both of them is left gasping for breath and wondering when they stopped doing the very things that made them stand out.

I’m not saying don’t fall in love- that would make me a hypocrite of the worst kind.  I’m just saying don’t lose yourself.  And don’t put unfair pressure on someone else to be everything to you, because there are times when they will need to be by themselves, pursue the things they did before you were on the scene.  And always remind yourself that that isn’t a bad thing.  It isn’t humanly possible to be the sole source of someone’s emotional and social wellbeing.  Humans are so complex, there is no way one person can satisfy every fibre of your being.

Please note, I am NOT talking about sex.  It is perfectly possible to be in a monogamous relationship and see other people, be it friends, be it your favourite characters in that series you just can’t stop watching.  You may have interests that bore your partner to death.  If watching Top Gear turns her into Top Bitch, and watching The Real Housewives of Hollywood makes you lose your erection, why drag each other into it?  Take some time out to breathe and wipe the sweat off your palms that have been seared together by love, and avoid creating tension in your relationship.  Learn to do your own thing when they are away, and give each other space and time to miss each other.  There’s nothing wrong with it.

And don’t take those pesky love songs too seriously.  They were meant to sell copies and make teenage girls go crazy.  Be an adult and accept the realities of some shit.

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