I am allergic to meetings.
The nature of my job means that I sit in various meetings during the week. Which is all well and good if the following things happen:
- There is an agenda
- Members arrive on time
- Agenda is actually followed
But this is Uganda. Which means that more often than not, the reality is as follows:
- Agenda? What agenda?
- People saunter in when the spirit moves them
- see Item 1 above.
Seeing as meetings are a necessary evil that cannot be avoided unless you are ill or close to death (leave alone the fact that meetings tend to leave me feeling that way), I have devised a survival kit of sorts. I am sharing this with you, dear reader, because I refuse to believe that I am the only person who has walked out of a meeting feeling brain-dead, lamenting the last three hours of my life that I will never get back.
Please note that this survival kit applies to board meetings, staff meetings, wedding meetings. Any meeting that leaves you wanting to stab yourself in the eye with a blunt object. Presenting: Siima's Top 6 Ways To Survive A Typical Ugandan Meeting.
- Carry a notebook- this might seem obvious but trust me, many people walk into a meeting without so much as 2 brain cells to rub together. Have a notebook so that you can doodle, make notes, and look like you're doing something worthwhile. Even if the on-going presentation is boring you to tears.
- Drink lots of water- let me hope that you attend meetings where refreshments are readily available. (NOT food- more on that later). You can fiddle with your bottle, which will help you stay awake. Also, you'll have to keep excusing yourself to go empty your bladder. A welcome escape from the bored room oops I mean board room.
- Google Image Idris Elba.
- Do NOT eat anything heavy before or during the meeting. If you are anything like me, food will make you doze. Throw a boring presentation in the mix and you have a recipe for disaster. You'll end up snoring your way through the meeting. Not a good look.
- Sit as close to your boss as possible. I dare you to doze when you are in close proximity to the person who signs your paycheck. Not going to happen.
- Write your Sunday Vision article. Ahem.
You're welcome, by the way. Flowers and chocolates may be delivered to my desk.