Monday, 23 December 2013

iPad Apps For UG MPs

Unless you’ve been living in a hole for the past couple of months , you will be well aware that our 376 MPs received their brand new iPads recently, in an effort to deal with the 30 billion being spent on stationery and courier services every year.

They are scheduled to have training sessions soon, just to get them acquainted with their gadgets.  It’s no use having a shiny new tablet if you don’t know your head from your arse.  Or your apps from your tabs, in this case.

There are lots of young, tech-savvy chaps out there who are quick to create apps (that’s short for ‘applications’, by the way) that can make your life so much easier if downloaded to your smart phone/ tablet.  So I’ve taken it upon myself to suggest a few that I think they should create for our MPs.  In the spirit of patriotism, of course. 

 Presenting:  Siima’s Top 6 Apps MPs Need To Download To Their iPads.

6) Instant Bill Generator- input the dumbest stuff that comes to mind and voila! This app will draft a bill for you.  I would advise you use this app together with App #3 below…

5) STFU MP App- This app will mute any of your honourable colleagues when they are yapping nonsense in Parliament.  It is entirely up to you whom you mute, but please note that you cannot mute the same person twice in one session.  That would just be mean, and unfair to anyone else who didn’t have the sense to download the app.

4) Snooze-Buster App- an in-built alarm to keep you awake during those boring submissions.  In case you’ve used-up your chances with App #5

3)English For Dummies- find all the big words you will need to use in any debate to sound remotely intelligent and maybe even relevant!

2) Remote Registration- this one is sure to be popular with those MPs who have much more important things to do than actually appearing in Parliament.  Tired of being denied your allowances because you didn’t check in the last time the house was in session?  No problem! This app allows for remote check in.  Hopefully the register will have been updated too, so you can sync your account accordingly.  The register will show that you turned up, and you can keep cuddling with the campus girl you found courtesy of our number 1 app…

1) Hostel Finder- find the best hostels with the hottest chicks, discreet parking (they can disguise your number plates and there is a relaxation room for bodyguards), sound-proof rooms and condom dispensers.  The condoms are available at a discounted rate, of course.

You’re welcome, by the way.  Having a warped mind is such a thankless job.

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