Random Ramblings

I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night yesterday, choking.

It was the strangest feeling in the world.  I was asleep, then just as suddenly, I was upright in my bed, coughing and spluttering and struggling to breathe.

I've often heard that emotions, if suppressed for too long, can begin to manifest themselves physically, and usually in negative ways.  I knew of the usual symptoms- an outbreak of pimples, weight loss/gain, or even hair loss in more extreme circumstances.  None of those have been an issue.

I thought about it this morning and figured out exactly what the problem is.

I miss my sister.  I miss my best friend.

Thankfully, she's just gone on the trip of a lifetime and I am thrilled for her.  The planning that has gone into this holiday goes back at least a year.  Plus she works so hard, I'm happy she's had a chance to get away from it all.

But, selfishly, I miss talking to her.  This is someone I talk to every single day- whether we're just giggling about something, or she's advising me, or telling me off, or patiently listening to me, or even just taking the piss.

And I've realised over the past couple of days she's been away that I take those chats for granted.  Never again.

I can't help thinking that the unexplained choking in the middle of the night is linked to this clogged, stoppered feeling I've been having lately.  Trying to get words out but having them stick in my throat. Feeling the urge to write, but finding myself staring at a blank page two hours later.

I often say that you should tell your loved ones just how much they mean to you whenever you can.  I'm determined to do that a lot more often.

I'll just have to try not to have verbal diarrhea when my sister gets back.


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