The Baz Betrayal

I’ve been suffering from a serious bout of writer’s block lately.  But don’t worry, this is not one of those articles where I try to explain away my lack of anything interesting to write.  Oh no.  This is simply a thinly veiled attack on a fellow columnist of mine.

Ernest Bazanye and I have a small competition every week to see who can be the first to submit their article to our editor Lucy and earn a pat on the head or a chocolate bar.  The fact that I have submitted my article before Baz many times and received neither a pat on the head or a chocolate bar is neither here nor there, because Lucy is just so nice and always thanks you if you send your article in on time, even if she has been breathing heavily down your neck for the past few emails or so.  All’s well that ends well.

So, there I was at my desk earlier this week, lamenting the fact that I couldn’t think of anything remotely interesting and only having 45 minutes before my deadline, especially considering that it was Columnists’ Day, when Baz walks in looking all cheerful.  He came over to my desk and placed a cup of coffee on it, perched on the table opposite, swinging his bandy legs, and asked me if my article was ready.

We’ve been friends for a while so I feel perfectly comfortable telling Baz when I can’t think of anything, and often pick his dark brain for inspiration.  Instead of helping me, he jovially told me he had submitted not one but TWO articles to Lucy!!  At 10am THAT MORNING!!

It goes without saying that the betrayal I felt hit me squarely in the gut. 

Baz and I always, ALWAYS, submit our articles late.  Or at least, late-ish.  I thought it was like, our THING.  Not that we deliberately enjoy stressing Lucy, because she truly is the loveliest editor in the world.  But the CHEEK of him!!  Now he’s even beaten me to it for next week.  It’s just not fair.

Now I know why he’s always wearing a hat.  I thought it was just to keep his head warm- gwe, we are important people, we have AC in our offices, shyaaa.  But oh noooooo.  It’s not a fashion accessory designed to keep his pate from the cold.  It’s a helmet type of thing that he wears whenever he comes to my desk so I can’t get any inspiration via osmosis.  It is an evil ploy by Baz to stay ahead in the submission race.  A race I cannot win because I have braids and, quite frankly, a much bigger head than he does.  Even the caricature guy draws me with a massive head.


Now I’ll have to mope around Apenyo and hope she’ll want to hang around with me, so I can get some inspiration from her.  Besides, she is way cooler than Baz and does fitness.  So hopefully my writing drought will end.

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